I’m single and 25. I’m not a psychologist, statistician or counselor. As girls within Christian, conservative, homeschooling circles go…I am a pretty average one. I’ve got lots of friends (both guys and girls), am well-traveled, love adventure, and am a forward-thinker. I’m the girl who knew at age 8 that I was going to be a wife and momma, and who sat her Dad down when I was 17 just to make sure that if Mr. Right came along before I was 18, we’d still be able to pursue a relationship. Yet as the years have passed and friends who have desired marriage (both guys and girls) remain single, my heart has been burdened for them and the prevalence of this reality.
Because of this, I have become a student of my generation for the past five years – observing my friends, acquaintances and life in our sub-culture. Everything I’m writing stems from this observation, extensive conversations with my friends and peers, as well as folks in both my parents and grandparents’ generation. I’ve read books, statistics, queried leaders of this movement, corresponded with folks, and lent a listening ear to many friends. This writing comprises not only my observations and conclusions, but theirs as well. My purpose is not to vent or point fingers, but to give hope and a challenge. I sincerely believe that these trends continue to be seen because too few of us have spoken our minds.
My generation as a whole is not getting married. Certainly, there are some romances and marriages amongst my friends, but they are too few and far between. No one, it seems, can find “the right one,” and even if they think they have, guys and girls both are too comfortable with waiting around for “something to happen.” Unfortunately, a vigorous pursuit of a spouse is looked down upon, or at the least marginalized, and often rebuffed. Guys aren’t expected to look for a girl until they are “ready,” and girls aren’t expected to have any help in making it clear that they are available. Singleness is viewed as a very blessed gift that one must never seek to change, or at the least as an individual concern not a familial or community concern.
In a generation and sub-culture that has grown up being home-educated, usually in large families, and with an entrepreneurial mindset, and thus more prepared than ever before – at least practically – to be wives and husbands, fathers and mothers, this is a sad situation.
We’ve heard more sermons on the godly role of men and women, seen (and helped) our parents raise children (from diaper-changing to graduation), and are much more knowledgeable about the functioning of families, both internally and as they interact with society at large than the previous two generations combined. We know how to talk about a multi-generational vision, and how to interact with multiple generations. Yet as I see few of my fellow generation-ers actively pursue marriage and get married…and fewer still begin to raise families, I am convinced of two things. First, our parent’s generation deserves respect and kudos many times over for their pursuit of that which is Godly and right, and, second, something has to change…and soon!
When one views this great disparity in light of the emphasis on relationships, marriage, and Godly families that so many of us were raised in – it is even more disheartening and baffling. Now is the time to assess, draw conclusions, and take action. As I stated before, I’m not willing to see a multi-generational vision die with mine, and I don’t think the Lord is either.
Abortion and Birth Control
Abortion in America was decriminalized in 1973 and as this most radical form of birth control became accepted, other forms did as well. Though it might seem ridiculous to credit the state of so many single folks in my generation to the scourge of abortion, the reality is that the science of love and romance starts with facts and statistics. While America is not dealing with horrors on the level of intense sex-selection abortions that have impacted China to the point of importing women into their culture, it has certainly had an impact. Just as our American social security system is failing (much sooner than anticipated) in large part due to a lack of workers to maintain the pool of funds, so the amount of people in our generation today has been greatly reduced by abortion. Simply put, my generation has a smaller pool of people to choose from than my parents’ generation had.
What to do?
This is a permanent, culture-wide state of affairs…and not something that can be fixed. A good place to start is to be mindful of the impact of a few small choices on future generations. Once you are married and a parent, commit to be forward-thinking and embrace ways to leave your children and the upcoming generation in a better place than you found it.
On a practical level, as single people we can look for spouses outside of “our box.” Be open to long-distance relationships, and don’t put strict age restrictions on those you would consider to be “spouse material.” Speaking with a 28-year-old single friend of mine, she remarked that statistically speaking, abortion peaked the year she was born, and that is one of many things which has caused her to realize that God’s best for her might be someone a few years older or younger. Another friend recently mentioned two sisters who are in relationships and marrying men from England – though they never dreamed that God’s best for them would be an entire ocean away from their hometown.
Unbiblical View of Singleness
I don’t agree with everything that Debbie Maken writes in her book, Getting Serious about Getting Married, but I do appreciate the challenge she puts forth about re-thinking the pop-Christianity view of singleness. In an attempt to give singles a place in the Christian community, often times being single is not only normalized, but viewed as the ‘holiest state of existence’. However, from a historical and Biblical perspective, “being single,” especially as an extended state, is not considered healthy or normal. While singleness is certainly not to be despised, and in rare occasions the Lord will even call a person to be single for a short time – or for a lifetime – this calling is few and far between. From Genesis to Revelation, the primary mode of living as unto the Lord and spreading the gospel is in the context of marriage and families. An entire book could be written on this topic alone, but let me mention just a few examples: we are commanded to ‘Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the earth’ (Gen 1:28); almost every great person in the Bible – man or woman – was married; and God rewarded those who sought marriage actively (ie – Isaac, Ruth, etc.).
Unfortunately, pop-Christianity implies, and sometimes out-right states, that being in the state of singleness allows for knowing and serving God better. I certainly grant that there are opportunities to serve as a single person that one simply cannot do once married, however there is not one shred of Biblical evidence that one should embrace singleness as a holier state than marriage. The issue here is not being single; it is a need to re-think our singleness in light of correct reasoning.
Unfortunately, because it is often viewed as a more holy state, I have seen young people – guys and girls alike – turn away from pursuing marriage, for intensely selfish reasons, and use the “holiness of singleness” as an excuse. It breaks my heart to know that they will regret that decision in years to come.
And for those who view singleness as the time of preparation (which indeed it is), far too often one is expected to remain single until they have “arrived,” whatever that means. For some, they are expected to be debt-free, for others, they must be debt-free AND have a certain amount of money in the bank. For others, it means having all their beliefs and convictions solidified.
While these are great goals and we should strive towards them while single, I see no strong Biblical basis for excluding relationships and marriage until one has ‘arrived.’ Just a quick glance back at my own family heritage demonstrates that both my parents and grandparents supported and encouraged one another financially, emotionally, spiritually, and so forth as they faced the challenges of life together…and they became not only better people, but have had stronger marriages for it. It would be a shame to rob ourselves of the joy of growing together in marriage (and the world of seeing this progression) because one or both parties must reach some ultimate point of completion or wholeness prior to marriage.
What to do?
We ought to recognize, both individually and corporately, that singleness is a no more holy state than marriage, and that marriage should be pursued as the normal state of being for which we have been created.
To that end, I advocate an attitude of pursuing marriage. Young men ought not to be afraid to pursue a girl even if they are not “Mr. Perfect,” for they never will be. Young ladies ought to inspire Biblical Manhood by pursuing Biblical Womanhood. For those who especially have a desire to be married they ought to be good stewards of that desire and not squander it on singleness. As a start, I think it is wise that young men and young ladies both seek out advocates who will help them assess someone who might be a good mate for them, and who will guide them in this pursuit. Often times, this can be parents, already married couples, and spiritual mentors. The bottom line is that marriage ought to be pursued Biblically.
A Culture that is not Marriage-Centric
This goes hand-in-glove with the last point. We live in a culture that punishes marriage as a rule. There are marriage taxes, pressures from the outside world, and very few jobs are marriage and family-friendly. In short, it’s a lot easier to pursue OTHER things in a culture that is not Marriage-centric. These things might not even be BAD things, but if God’s norm for us is marriage, then they certainly aren’t His Best for us.
Unfortunately, even in our sub-culture, when someone has pursued a marriage relationship I’ve heard snide remarks along the lines of “Well, they finally fell…guess we won’t be seeing any more of them…” and “Are you ready for the chain and ball…?” I’m saddened to say that whenever I spoke up to counter this thinking it was not well received.
Add to this the reality that there is a Spiritual component to every marriage. As I’ve mentioned before, there are few things more powerful and representative of God’s love and continuing purposes in this earth than a Godly marriage and family. Satan is never going to be content to sit idly by and watch Godly people get married and have Godly families. He’s going to do his best to thwart that pursuit at every step, and we should expect him to. I’m convinced if we as a generation considered that just maybe Satan was pleased with the low marriage rates, he might have a fight on his hands…and very soon things might look different.
Historically, entire communities recognized that for their community to continue in the future it was incumbent upon them as a whole to see the next generation married. If a person were to remain single the entire community viewed it as their failure. Today, if a person is single, it is viewed as HIS or HER problem, not the community’s. What a radical change in thinking! No wonder they’re known as the “good ol’ days.”
What to do?
The truth is that no matter what our culture embraces in God’s economy, families are the cornerstone of society and marriage is the cornerstone of the family. We must resolve to be counter-cultural, to take the harder path and quit settling for the one of least resistance. Yes, that means taking risks. It means putting ourselves in a position of possible heartbreak. But, we can do this with confidence knowing that our Lord will never leave or forsake us, and He will only allow our heart to be broken if it is within His sovereignty and for His purposes.
Pray. Pray. Pray. Don’t underestimate the efforts of our enemy to keep our culture, churches, and individual lives from being marriage-centric. The only sure defense against spiritual powers is to put on the full armor of God which begins with diligent prayer and continues to an active pursuit of a counter-culture lifestyle – including one that places every institution that God has created in its proper place.
Begin thinking with a community mind-set. Realize that a person’s pursuit (ie – YOUR pursuit) of marriage has a direct impact on the sustainability of the future of your community, belief system, and our culture. If Christianity and Christian culture is to wake up to many more sunrises, it will be because of the choice of individual people to pursue counter-cultural living, even if that means going counter to pop-Christianity.
Easy Accessibility
Another stumbling block is the easy accessibility young people have to each other – particularly young men to young women. This is a double edged sword. Without some measure of accessibility our generation can’t connect, become friends, and develop relationships. On the other hand, the ability our culture provides for easy and instantaneous connection many times serves as a deterrent for serious relationships. With tools like Facebook, cheap texting plans, and Instant Messaging at our fingertips, one can have a host of friends without really BEING a friend, or at least not a good one. For guys, this often provides them easy access to a host of girls who are more than happy to affirm and encourage them (which they should be receiving exclusively from a spouse or girlfriend). To put it bluntly, why would a guy (or girl), want to pursue a deep, meaningful relationship with one person if they can get basically “all they need” (instantaneously) from a myriad of friends who are at their beck and call? Of course, this is a poor substitute, but we are by nature lazy creatures and not prone to change our circumstances unless forced to by necessity or conviction.
For girls, easy accessibility is typically a source of much grief. As they interact with guys through these new technological modes, a girl has no way to measure the type of relationship she has with a young man. In my parent’s generation, the “rules” were much more defined. If a young man called a woman on the phone, it meant something. He was, at the very least, interested. Today, those cultural indicators have been blurred. What does a phone call, text message, e-mail, Facebook message, or any other such communication mean? More often than not it means nothing more than “hey, I’m your friend…,” and unfortunately, many times I’ve seen both guys and girls suffer from reading too much (or too little) into this type of interaction. I wish we lived in a culture where single guys and girls could interact AS FRIENDS, that both parties would understand this. But, one can’t blame a girl for wondering and a guy for being over-cautious.
Too often though, this easy accessibility and lack of understanding works to stifle what could be a healthy friendship between guys and girls. Taking it one step further, once a friendship understanding has been reached, even that has gotten in the way of what would have been Godly pre-marriage relationships. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard a guy say “Oh, I couldn’t be interested in her…we grew up together, and she’s like a sister…” Well, what’s a girl to do? We are taught all growing up to treat our fellow male friends as brothers in the Lord, only to wake up single one day, hearing that type of person is not what a guy is looking for.
What to do?
Take your friendships seriously. Be sure that the people you surround yourself and invest your life in are like-minded, healthy, wholesome and edifying people…the kind of person you would want your future spouse to be.
Be a good friend by having boundaries in friendships. There’s something sacred about friendship, as it’s one of the most intimate forms of relating. In the Scriptures it was a high privilege to be known as the friend of God, and friendships of all sorts are something we take far too casually these days.
Don’t be afraid to interact. All solid marriages are built on solid friendships. A Godly marriage is never going to survive without a foundation of friendship, so don’t shy away from it, but also don’t share your deeps thoughts, desires and wishes with someone of the opposite sex.
Cover your friends and friendships in prayer. There’s nothing more powerful, and don’t be afraid to pray towards marriage on behalf of your friends, or towards one of your friends. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – God desires our pursuit of His Will for our lives, and that includes marriage for almost every person.
Divisive Issues
Satan fully recognizes the power of two people yoked together towards a common goal, and he’s not about to see that take place on a regular basis. You know, Satan is tricky. He recognizes that he’s not going to win ultimately, so just like the coward he is, he’s determined to cause as much destruction as possible in his downfall. Each marriage he destroys is another trophy. How much bigger a trophy is it when he’s able to keep two people from ever reaching the marriage altar? And what better way for him to do that than by causing division in relationships over minor issues.
My parents and I have often talked about how much they have grown in their own faith and as individuals through the differences, trials, and challenges the Lord has brought them through as a couple. The truth is that I think more often than not, the Lord brings two people together who do not see eye to eye on secondary issues and causes them to work through that as a couple, forcing their dependence and their relationship as a couple to be on Him.
One famous couple that comes to mind is Martin Luther and his wife, Katherine von Bora. Many times they disagreed on the practical day-to-day aspects of life, but they provided an example of marriage to the entire European continent within a culture that likely had more misconceptions and confusion about it as a Godly institution than we do today.
What to do?
Be discerning. Step back from situations and assess if this “issue” or “difference” you have with a person you may be interested in as a spouse is over a primary issue, or not. Make sure that these issues truly are essential ones. I’m not condoning compromise on essential issues, but neither am I going to watch mountains being made out of molehills. Whether it’s a slight difference in dress or a minor disagreement over a doctrinal issue, the point in pursuing a relationship must always be to seek God’s will, not finding every way in which it may not work. We need only to look at our hearts to find an answer for that.
Elysse joined American Vision in December, 2009, after assisting with two American Vision Worldview Super Conferences. With a background in event planning and coordination, Elysse most recently managed a Pregnancy Resource Center (Medical) she helped start. The oldest of seven children, Elysse enjoyed being homeschooled and grew up with a passion to advance the Kingdom of Christ. She and her father co-authored, "Fathers and Daughters: Raising Polished Cornerstones", and she regularly mentors young ladies. She enjoys hiking, world traveling, reading, spending time with friends and family, and Chai lattes. Originally from Idaho, Elysse is looking forward to serving at American Vision and living in a warmer climate!
Actually myop there is a valid reason for the statement as God mandated in Genesis that the purpose of man and woman on the earth was to be fruitful and multiply and take dominion over the earth, which was followed by Jesus' mandate in Matthew to go out into all the nations, teach them all He commanded and to disciple them. Christian society today incorrectly views singleness as a more Godly state of being – there is nothing against being a contented single which the author is (I can personally attest to this) but the main issue the article takes is against the apathetic and unBiblical determination to satisfactorily create a paragon of singleness.
People can and should do so much for the Lord when they are single; why can't you just accept that fact and accept those who choose to be single instead of being so negative? You say that being single should be the exception instead of the rule. There's no valid reason for that; it's just your opinion which is fine, but you are so judgmental of those who have a different opinion. I tried to be open minded as I read your article, but the critical spirit which pervaded it definitely did not win me over to your side.
"You say that being single should be the exception instead of the rule. There's no valid reason for that; it's just your opinion which is fine"
Actually it's God's opinion.
" God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it." Gen 1:28
"Then God blessed Noah and his sons, saying to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the earth." Gen 9:1
"Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring." Mal 2:15
"you are so judgmental of those who have a different opinion"
- Well isn't that the pot calling the kettle black? You're the one who has judged her to have a "critical spirit."
lmhere, I have not judged her, I have given my opinion. I said that I cannot agree with her article. I did not say that she is a horrible person because she has an opinion which differs from mine; that would be judging. I am not the pot calling the kettle black. I'm simply saying that the author seems to have a judgemental attitude toward single people and those who do not agree that marriage is basically required if you are 'really' a Christian. I'm fine with a difference of opinion, but it's the whole tone of the article which is offensive.
Critical spirit? I didn’t sense a critical spirit at all. I certainly didn’t see any sort of judgment being passed on those who were single.
"Courting" can be just as bad – there is no perfect method. The unfortunate occurrence seen in many relationships who started courtships was that the couple agreed that the end result of their relationship was to be marriage, and then even when they should have broken apart because of serious theological issues, they did not ending in a marriage as planned, without the foundation of AGREEMENT necessary to have a decent relationship once married. Second, those who did go into it seeing marriage as the end result who DID break it off when they realized they were not compatible was much worse than even a "casual dating" experience, because they had gotten to the point of believing they were dealing with their future mate.
Unfortunately, relationships are a messy business when not handled properly, and knowing more people who went through a courtship process than a dating one, I can say honestly that courtship holds just as many pains and traumas as a dating relationship. The key is that GOD needs to be the center. The relationship should be patterned after God's heart – through His guidance – with His principles – by HIM. The method of it all is and should be irrelevant. Parents are fallible, and so are methods.
I agree, Liz, with your assessment of courtship. Most of my friends experienced courtship rather than dating because we all had some fantastic teaching at an early age. But one by one my friends were being deeply hurt by a courtship break-up, much more deeply than my friends who dated. At least the dating friends sort of went in with the understanding that it wasn't necessarily serious. All my courting friends went in with the assumption that he was "the one", and when it didn't work out, they were absolutely devastated. I experienced this myself as well. The two of you immediately talk about all the serious, far-reaching, soul-searching details of life, only to have it all end because of one disagreement that one or both of you might change your mind about later anyway!
Sorry, I can't agree with your article. Perhaps, if you were married to someone who doesnt want to grow up & wants to watch TV all evening/weekend (& thinks you should do the same), you'd understand. Yes, I'm talking about a Christian too. I see frequently that most young people don't have a clue as to what a REAL marriage and relationship are all about. Again, I speak of Christians. When the infatuation wears off in a few years, they wonder what the heck is going on. But by then they've had at least one child so they stay in a bad relationship for that reason. So when the kids are grown, or sooner, they divorce. This pattern is very prevalent throughout the church. All premarital counseling in which I've participated and that of my friends is a total joke. It doesn't even come close to really explaining about the true nature of marriage. And since I, like most others really didn't come from a good familial background when it comes to marriage, I didn't know how lacking my premarital counseling actually was until it was too late. Yes I'm a bit jaded, but it is so easy to observe this problem in every church. Continued…
"Perhaps, if you were married to someone who doesnt want to grow up & wants to watch TV all evening/weekend (& thinks you should do the same), you'd understand."
THIS is your beef against your husband? He watches too much tv to suit you, and he has the audiacity of wanting you to join him on the couch? To sit with him in the evenings and weekends? Poor guy.
lmhere, I'll ignore your nasty attitude and state that the world doesn't need people who sit around and watch TV (or play on the computer, etc…). They are NOT being salt and light to the world. Satan is certainly happy with those types of Christians and those types of marriages.
myop, you're quite right, he's avoiding responsibility. I thank you and Shotgun (some ways below) for reminding me of this. I apologize for my attitude. But I do hope you'll also consider checking your (certainly far less than nasty I have to admit) attitude when speaking of marriage, esp of your husband, in public. Yes, it's hard, and people should be honest about that. But what I took from your comment (and I admit, I may have totally misunderstood) was that you are in support of people in my generation (mid 20s to mid 30s) avoiding marriage, not pursuing it. We should not avoid seeking marriage because it is hard. So I overreacted. But I do hope you'll always show your husband the mercy you showed me. Thanks.
Perhaps the first thing to consider when thinking about marriage is the proper attitude towards it and towards one's responsibility to give 100%. I may be off base but what I am gathering from the statements (granted void of intended voice-inflection) is bitterness and looking forward to a child grown so as to begin divorce proceedings. Somehow this is the fault of the church and lack of good premarital counseling – but in fact I think worldview comes into play here. My parents received one hour of premarital counseling, married in their early 20's, had a handicapped daughter die at 5, and celebrated 30 years of happy marriage this year. Did they ever fuss or fight or disagree? Heck yes! Did my mom ever leave (or leave after I was married)? No. Why? Because the worldview and attitude were not set to earthly hedonistic desires but to God's barometer.
I attended a good-sized Christian singles fellowship and that is where I met my wife. We know many married couples who found each other there. But there is definitely an underlying prejudice that kind of says, be spiritual first. If people are actually looking for someone, then it's turning into a "meat market" and that's bad. I don't know how many times I've heard someone say that you need to be perfectly content with God first before he will show you that special someone. There certainly is something to seeking God first, but like this article states, you are often expected to have "arrived" before worrying about marriage.
Also, I really hated the whole dating culture. I know books have been written about the courtship model. It would be interesting to see more people go that route. Part of my problems in dating was that we would share our deep thoughts and get close, and only then start discussing the future, only to find out that we wanted vastly different things. It would greatly help if two people were to form anything more than a friendship, to start discussing up front what it is they are looking for, and avoid all the emotional turmoil that comes from dating, breaking up, and repeating the cycle. That seems very unnatural because it goes against the prevailing dating culture that relies on emotions first — "falling in love."
Unfortunately Ms. Liz, there are a myriad of church growth enthusiasts who see young, single women as a vital marketing asset in growing the population of their church.
In addition to overt marketing ploys involving singles ministries and the like…"pimp evangelism" is growing in a number of covert ways, including the promotion of foreign adoption and interracial marriage. "Perhaps"…they may think…"we can turn Haiti into a United States if we just adopt their children, or marry off our daughters to them?"
The concept is disgusting in my humble, antique-European opinion.
The article highlights an important point; that the marriage problem among today's Christians is of a worldview nature. After decades of soaking in this acidic and rabidly anti-family culture…it's no wonder that people see unions (or possibly unions) in terms of the state.
In the end…the same thing that was true in the Garden of Eden is true today…the man and woman who work together, stay together.
God hates interracial marriage. He said each with their own kind which means NO dating out of one's race.
that is so bigoted.. the very concept of ethnic races didn't exist until a 2.5+/- millennia ago.. If you believe the Bible to true then you'd know that all of us humans are descended from Noah. We are all family. The biblical meaning of 'kind' in the context you used it is all creatures that can through sexual relations generate fertile offspring. I'm sure you'd have a hard time finding someone to affirm that certain humans couldn't produce fertile offspring for ethnic reasons.
Mr. B.Conservative,
I'm happy being called a "bigot" by a rabidly anti-Christian society.
I'd be interested in hearing you flesh out your view of what a "biblical meaning of kind" is…and how you derive it from the text.
Additionally, your discussion here lacks clarity. If we're all one family, then the Biblical laws against incest would apply, and all ethical humans would die out. On the other-hand, we could take it to mean that physical distinctions are meaningless, and therefore, men could marry men!
You seem to be arguing for a middle-position between those two extremes, but give no reason why we should settle there.
You are those who agree with you are sick!
The greatest commandment is to love.
I am disgusted by your comment. You are interpreting it the way you would like for it be stated.
On many of these verses used to disapprove of interracial marriage: We can clearly see that God's concern was that marrying outside the "church" (Israel was the Church of the Old Testament) would cause Israel to turn away from God. The command is similar to what we read in the New Testament in 2 Corinthians 6:14,
"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers." (2Corinthians 6:14, NKJV)
Who allows these types of comments to appear on this site??
Actually, there are examples of God-blessed interracial marriages in Scripture. Also, I’m not quite sure where God says to only marry into your own kind. You may be thinking about the natural law in Genesis that each animal will produce after it’s own kind, or the laws that command that Christians oughtn’t to be unequally yoked with non-Christians.
I would not consider for a moment dating a nonbeliever, no matter how close his race was to mine or how nice-looking he was! I would consider someone of a completely foreign ‘race’, if he loved and submitted to God.
I think it was “each reproduce after their own kind.” (the basic idea) Meaning plants produce plants, whales produce whales, birds produce birds, and so on. If we all came from Adam and Eve, then we are all of one blood and one race. Marring inter-racially still produces humans, and still fulfills the command to produce “after their own kind.”
Wonderful article. Sometimes we can throw out the baby with the bathwater. In our well-intended and conscious emphasis on purity in relationships and courtship in preparation for marriage, we have at times become overly zealous, even religious, in our attitudes about single relationships. I agree with the author that we have overly glorified singleness, or, in our case, just been much too cautious about pressing for marriage as a goal. In a community that is serious about purity, we ought not lose the joy of living; and there is little that brings more joy than nascent love. Let's keep it that way.
I know people who turned atheist from having done just that, Seattle. I don't think anyone with a biblical worldview would recommend anyone go collecting lost souls to be unequally yoked to through marriage… ?
I'd say the conversion rate from atheisism to Christianity is much higher than that of Christianity to atheisim
Be naughty, go out and actually talk to a heathen, it won't kill you.
Talking to one is far different from marrying one.
God ordains all that is to come to pass. To ask the author of this article to step out into the cesspool of humanity in order that she might find a fellow who longs for the truth to be shared to them is nonsensical. Before time was created God ordained a number to be saved and if He so wills it will bring this young lady into contact with the individual she will share the rest of her life with. God calls us to a life of obedience. To risk disobedience and temptation for the cause of one's happiness is foolish. She is fine just where she is and obviously has the platform in her daily life to touch the lives and hearts of people, even the lost. The lost, however, have no desire to be saved. That comes only with the quickening of the Holy Spirit. Let us not tempt God and throw caution to the wind. Whatsover He wills will come to pass. There is no need to immerse ourselves into a godless culture. We are called to be salt and light, not vinegar and shadows.
Amen Sister!
If all these ideas are so effective why are you still single? I think you need a hobby. Go out and find your passion and live it. Someone who has purpose is very attractive.
Quiverful Mom of 12….. …… ……….. letting that one sink in.
I believe that the first paragraph of this article was a statement as to how the author does not claim to be an expert, but is providing insight gathered from a life that is FULL of purpose.
Third, the author may not be known to you and I grant that must be why you are unaware that she is one of the most purpose-driven and society-engaging persons I have ever met. She knows people in every state, has authored a book, assists her sister with a start-up non profit dedicated to assisting foster kids leaving the state system, plans national events for another organization, is a modern-day female version of Brother Andrew, taking Bibles at great personal risk into countries where Christianity is illegal, is assisting with the campaign of one of the state's most likely candidates for Governor, and….plans activities for groups like hiking and museum visiting. I think I'm even missing some of her "hobbies"….!
Elysse was merely trying to point out some issues of this generation to generate some ideas on how to correct a growing problem.
I am a personal friend of Elysse and I don't know anyone that works harder and with more purpose than she does. Please don't judge her out of hand. This is a very real issue that is faced by Elysse, myself and a vast number of our friends.
seattle, did you just suggest Elysse to find a good heathen boy to marry? Did I read that right?
Yes. Finding a man that is hungry for the truth is better than finding a boy who was raised with it.
I'll take a convert to Christ anyday over someone who hasn't even got a glimpse of what evils the world has to offer.
I would rather have a boy raised with it because my father was raised Christian and he is no boy. The Bible teaches men to take responsibility for their lives where the heathenish man shirks their responsibility.
Once I saw what huge distraction the carnal concept of dating was, I laid it aside to serve Christ and my Brother and Sisters in Him. I know of Sisters in the Church who are so consumed with trying to find a mate they go through men like a hooker goes through "johns". Any man or woman who believes that someone other than Christ may "complete" them should not enter into marriage until that understand differently. One depraved human could never "complete" another. Because many have failed to understand this basic concept, the Church is riddled with divorce and remarriage. Seek first the Kingdom of God and God will add a spouse unto you. Marriage is part of God's design but seeking Christ at all times is our main objective. Don't allow being consumed with finding a spouse interfere with that.
There is nothing so rewarding as serving "The Messiah".
However, the two greatest commands are to Love the LORD G-d with all your mind, heart and soul and your neighbor as you do yourself.
Nothing short of "marriage" can fulfill that reward.
Proverbs states a chord of three strands is not easily broken. The reason this is true is that each individual strand touches each other only with a maximum of three.
Marriage between a man a woman who are joined together in covenant relationship with each other and with the Father will continue to thrive.
Refusing to marry, is an excuse of fear.
"seek ye first.." "be complete in Christ" etc. These are all scriptures pulled out to form and opinion (really i lie) about what has just been talked about here.Read the article again. you missed everything she said in it. And i have been saying the same for years and these concepts of "dating is not in the bible" "don't look for a mate" "become 'complete' in Him" are not sound biblical teaching for singles. If you want to talk about complete than let's look at Adam. It wasn't until God made Eve for him that he "became complete." So the argument can go that way as well. the verse "seek first the kingdom…" in context has nothing to do with marriage. it is speaking of pursuing material things for everyday living. the verse, and you are complete in Him." tells us we ARE "comlete" in Him. It has to do with our position in Christ not some level we have to achieve to be "qualified" for marriage. Not saying there is no maturity level we should reach but most of are adults but the teachings are legalistic and putting people in bondage.
Apparently I need to have my eyes checked too – I can't beleive what I just read!
Elysse, you clearly aren't trying hard enough. You just need to go SAVE yourself a husband. Convince him to love Jesus, marry him up real quick before another Christian girl snatches him up, or before he shows evidence of false "conversion" (so you can sidestep the accusation of purposefully seeking to be unequally yoked). Then you can have all the fun trying to submit to a baby Christian who may or may not have overcome his porn (or equally disturbing) addiction. Good luck with that.
Pardon me while I go puke.
Being that "50% of Christian men are addicted to porn, perhaps finding a "heathen" that is truly sick of that lifestyle is better than "snatching up" a so-called Christian that is exploring it. http://www.pastorblog.com/2007/06/06/50-of-christ…
There are better options than this false dichotomy.
Supply one.
You suggest marrying
A) a "heathen" sick of his worldly lifestyle would be preferable to
B) a so-called Christian still exploring a worldly lifestyle
I vote
C) marry a Christian who has put the worldly lifestyle behind him.
Time to get your reading glasses prescription checked, seattle. "We must resolve to be counter-cultural, to take the harder path and quit settling for the one of least resistance. Yes, that means taking risks."
I call today's youth the culture of isms: hedonism, nihilism and narcissism. You might do well in finding a mate by wandering out of your comfort zone Elysse. With a generation of lost souls wandering aimlessly, there are secular men that are dying to find a woman that will share the truth with them.
Seattle, You seriously didn't just suggest a Christian specifically look for a non-Christian spouse… did you?
Sure, there may be plenty of secular men out there… but come on… what fellowship has light with dark? Why seek to be unequally yoked?
Christian to non-Christian union is not a comfort zone issue.
2 Corinthians 6:14-15 (New International Version)
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
This is just about the worst "advice" I have ever heard. And speaking from personal experience, missionary dating is disastrous.
We were all "unbelievers" at once. You weren't born a Christian, you were taught the gospel by people who loved you and cherished the truth. Share the truth Elysse, God will bless you for it.
To quote Liz:
"Third, the author may not be known to you and I grant that must be why you are unaware that she is one of the most purpose-driven and society-engaging persons I have ever met. She…has authored a book, assists her sister with a start-up non profit dedicated to assisting foster kids leaving the state system, … is a modern-day female version of Brother Andrew, taking Bibles at great personal risk into countries where Christianity is illegal"
So it sounds like "shar(ing) the truth" isn't something that Elysse neglects. Please don't lump her in w/ the lackluster young singles you know of.
I've been exposed to lackluster young singles that profess to be Christian on an unmentioned website. I wouldn't suggest Elysse talk to these hypocrites let alone marry one of them.
The Bible tells us not to yolk ourselves with heathens. The secular society reflects a fallen sin nature that can be reversed if wanted bad enough. If anyone is a hypocrite it is you aseattkeconservative.
If you were to reread my original post, I made no mention of marrying a heathen. On the contrary, I stated that If Elysse were to share the truth with a lost soul who is aimlessly wandering looking for the truth, then perhaps a friendship (and something even more) would result from it.
It's amazing the "caste system" that certain people in the Christian community adhere to. For example, look at Imhere's putdown of Born Again Christians, referring to them as "baby Christians" (yet he isn't able to come back with a worthy response when I mention that 50% of Christian men are ADDICTED to pornograhpy).
There is no hypocrisy in sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ with anyone and everyone, the hypocrisy is in those who seem to think they have a patent on it.
"It's amazing the "caste system" that certain people in the Christian community adhere to. For example, look at Imhere's putdown of Born Again Christians, referring to them as "baby Christians" "
- Sir, at the risk of pointing out the obvious, all true Christians are "Born Again." So there's no caste system and it's not a put-down – it's what we all are.
If some were re-born more recently, then it's accurate to call them a baby Christian. Those humans who are recently born also called babies. It's not a put-down.
"yet he isn't able to come back with a worthy response when I mention that 50% of Christian men are ADDICTED to pornograhpy"
- Having the good sense to avoid a rabbit trail with aseattleconservative hardly suggests inability to address a topic.
LOL…ok.